The Real Truth

What happened?

texasbella — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 06:27:30 +0000

I remember arriving at the restaurant. The one I had painstakingly googled to find. I wanted to find the perfect place to take my best friend for her birthday. I had a small headache when I picked her up and so I took a Tramadol at the Quarry when I was pre-buying our movie tickets. I had everything planned out for our “perfect” day . Our Sushi arrived and we were enjoying it immensely when I began to feel that familiar nauseausness. The increasing pain and throbbing of that wicked migraine. I informed my bestie that it was coming on. We prayed…we waited…we packed up my food and I headed home. I barely remember getting home and hitting my bed… my hubby informed me that her son had picked her up and I passed back out….I awoke in my clothes….(why hadn’t anyone thought to help me into my comfy jammies I thought to myself?) I was next awakened at 2 am to eat some crackers and drink some juice. I was still in my clothes!! I took it upon my self to get into my jammies. It was a difficult night and day to say the least. I have been suffering with migraines for a few years and they are quite debilitating. I don’t know why they happen, and I certainly felt robbed of my wonderful day of celebration!!! But tonight, as I sit here recovering from the pain I am reminded that life is so unpredictable. I had a plan for a perfect day. It was a great plan. And the plan was interrupted by a migraine. My friend called for a ride and understood the circumstances. Were we both disappointed? I’m sure!! But we have rescheduled the date and decided that we will leave it in God’s hands. We know that something may happen to change it or we may actually get to watch our movie and have that dessert and coffee! I guess the lesson for me was that plans are made and it doesn’t matter because sometimes a monkey wrench gets thrown in the mix! I leave you with this my friends; being flexible allows you to bend instead of break!

On having a friend

texasbella — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 06:32:01 +0000

I have a date with my best friend tomorrow. It is a long standing date that we celebrate annually. Well, we have skipped a year here and there….but that’s not what this story is about. We go out for some food and have great conversation and then maybe catch a movie. Then we might grab some coffee and dessert later on. It is to celebrate her birthday. I think it has become more than that however. We have been doing this for many years now. I can’t recall when we started this tradition and I hope we continue with it for 50 more years at least! I haven’t always been the best or greatest friend…and I don’t think it matters. I found my best friend quite accidentally. She however must have known we shared a kindred spirit. She was my boss and I actually couldn’t stand her. It wasn’t long before her gentle spirit and love drew me in. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was changing too. I wasn’t as self centered as I used to be. I cared about being spiritual and not just being religious. I cared about finding my purpose in life and not just living without purpose. I have spent countless hours talking, crying and laughing with her. She is my 3 a.m person. You know, the one you can call at 3 in the morning when something bad happens. Or even if you are just going through some awful thing and need to talk…..you can call that person and know they will wake up from their sleepy stupor and listen and talk and even pray you through “it”. Whatever “it” is. I have often wondered if everyone gets to have a best friend and I have found the answer is not always, whether by choice or by omission.

So why am I blogging about my best friend tonight? For many reasons, but perhaps because often times those who deserve the most recognition are often the ones who get the least. I love that movie with Bette Midler…Beaches. Remember CC Bloom and her best friend. I won’t ruin the movie here but if you haven’t seen it…it is a must…and watch it with your best friend…I didn’t know I loved my best friend as much as I do until this past year. I mean I knew I loved her but I didn’t know I LOVED her. It was a difficult year for her…one filled with all kinds of health challenges. And it could have been one that resulted in her premature death….I am not being dramatic! It was that serious. So after the health crises has been averted and we continue to trust God for her complete healing and restoration, I fully realize that she is an integral part of my life. Integral as an adjective is defined as consisting or composed of parts that together constitute a whole. And she has become a part of my life, my world and yes even a part of my soul. I cannot imagine my life without my best friend. Who I would be? Where I would be? Some of you may know exactly what I am feeling as I write about how wonderful it is to have a “best friend”…for some it is a spouse or maybe a sibling or a parent….for me…it was a stranger who saw something in me…and I am forever grateful! It is said that to have a friend you must be a friend. I leave you with this my friends, we aren’t given a “How to be a friend” manual..instead it can become a beautiful journey we begin if we open our hearts and learn to trust another soul with our deepest fears, our greatest hurts and our biggest dreams!

Humble Pie

texasbella — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 19:26:05 +0000

Oh where to begin with today’s blog! I had a bunch of great titles for it. Amazing Grace, Where Sin Abounds, and then the one which is really telling, Keep your mouth shut! I know, I know, the last one sounds pretty harsh but stick with me. I promise, you will clearly understand why that title is really fitting. As you may or may not know, we are a dual family right now. My daughter, son-in-law and grandson currently live with us. I am the full time care-giver, as previously stated. Well, it gets pretty tricky trying to blend two families under one roof, let me tell ya! I always want to be supportive of my kids but try to remind myself that they are “young adults” who only need direction. They no longer need or want, for that matter, a mother! Therein lies the rub….. I am usually wearing the maternal hat and sometimes forget to take it off and put on the “free advice” hat. Are you still with me? Great! Here comes the ugly part of my story…..

Eli took a little tumble yesterday and Calah was handling it. I was trying to make sure he was okay and instead of being supportive, I became accusatory. You see, they play and rough house with Eli all the time. Do I like that fact? NO, I do not. I know kids fall, kids get busted lips. A little ice and some mommy kisses and hugs and in a few minutes it’s all better! And yesterday, the same scenario could have played out….except it didn’t! I thought my interjection was helpful and it wasn’t. Instead, I was told, “I wasn’t helping”. OUCH! Well, get on the roller-coaster because the ride went downhill from there…and quickly!! I immediately felt misunderstood and under-appreciated, so I yelled a few things and told the kids to find a new baby sitter. (I have spared you the gory details, but feel free to paint any ugly scenario you can imagine. It’s probably close to mine) Anyway, we all went away from the scene with angry, hurt feelings. No one speaking to the other. I’m talking the rest of the day! Well, some time has passed and we all have moved on now….I have checked my own attitude and I was wrong. Is that a hard pill to swallow? Well, it is, but now it is a lot easier to say I was wrong and apologize. My grandmother used to say; “MIja, the road to misfortune is paved with good intention.” What? Why would she say stuff like that to a young girl whose road went to the end of the driveway? And if I had intentions, they most certainly weren’t anything more than intending to sneak a piece of bologna when no-one was looking! So, here I sit, some 30 odd years later, fully realizing just what she was saying in that quote! For all my “good intentions”, I certainly ended up with a very unfortunate situation! Misfortune is defined as an unfortunate or disastrous event.

Having shared all of this with you is partly cleansing. And also, I wanted to let you know, I am not perfect! Shocking? Not so much….I guess what I am mostly sharing is my heart. Love makes us do some crazy things!!! I love Eli so much and want to protect him from ever feeling or experiencing any pain. I am that way with all of the people I love. Many of you can relate to what I am saying…and yet, the love that wants to protect ended up causing hurt and pain to my older children. What a paradox! My intentions were to protect Eli and so by confronting Calah about her parenting I ended up hurting her and Leroy. I am sure that many of you can recall a similar experience in your lives. If not, then remember this story because you will be spared if you can remember what I did not. I should have kept my mouth shut and my heart open! Being a parent is a tricky job but being a grandparent even more tricky. The road is filled with pitfalls and land mines. I leave you with this my friends, all relationships are a work in progress, but they all require that at times we remember that old cliche; “silence is golden”. Had I remembered that, Eli would just have a busted lip today and I wouldn’t be eating a cold dish of humble pie!

Here we go again!

texasbella — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 06:59:07 +0000

Hi!

I’ve been neglecting the gift of writing. Not so much because I didn’t have anything to say but because I just got so busy with the daily grind. I am a grandmother now and I am the full time care giver for my grand-baby. I have been neglecting a lot of things that I love to do for the past year and a half….Things like writing and reading. I have missed both of them terribly. It is one of those things that seems to be “last” on the list of priorities. And when I do get to it, say like right before I go to sleep, I find myself lying in bed with the book laid open across my chest and my glasses laying at some odd angle across my forehead and face! ( maybe some drool on my chin….but you’ll never know will you?) I am sure many of you can relate to this situation….I tried the audio book route too. I found the deep baritone voice of the man reading to me hypnotic and that too lulled me right off to dreamland!! I had a lady reading one and she was speaking in such a mickey mouse voice I could barely hear her! What’s a gal to do? So it just comes down to this….if I want to write or read or take a bubble bath…I just need to make it a priority! Maybe a lot of us are in this same boat…. work demands much of your time. Then running the well oiled machine of your home takes up most of your other time… and when you do get a few golden moments to yourself….you are just too exhausted to do anything else! I am trying to take my own advise and learn how to balance the work/play/relax plates. Not that am close to figuring it aout…if I did, I would bottle up the formula and sell it on QVC or HSN. And then I would have lots of time to play and read and write…..Balance in the verb tense means to arrange, adjust, or proportion the parts of symmetrically. So, there you have it. The equation for achieving balance in your life/world. Good luck!

I believe that it always has been and always will be a juggling act. Well for those of us who are OCD and can’t just stop working because the clock says 5. We can’t stop and go to bed because the clock says 10. We can’t because we like the feeling of finishing what we were working on! So we work later than we should, stay up past our bedtimes and then feel deprived when we have no playtime…. Well people, the great news is it can change! I didn’t really make any new year’s resolutions this year but perhaps there are a few areas I can work on ….I am going to start my blog again and I will make time to read ALL those new books waiting for me on my nightstand. I leave you with this my friends; time waits for no one and one minute lived in regret is a lifetime of agony!

Wings of Love

texasbella — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 06:19:05 +0000

My daughter posted a public thank you on a social network today. It touched my heart and filled me with a sense of pride and joy. Not so much because she was thanking me but because we all wonder at times if we as parents are doing things “right”. I know for a fact I have not been a model parent, but today my daughter acknowledged that we parents do make sacrifices to benefit our children and even grandchildren. I am not making huge financial contributions nor am I blazing great spiritual paths for my daughter. Instead, I am merely giving her the gift of my time. Time to babysit her son, my beautiful grandson. Time to study together to ensure that she does well on her exams. Small things like making sure she has gas in her car and good snacks to take with her to school. I know we do these things because we love our kids. But to have your young adult child realize that you are doing something for their benefit is quite a rush! We go about our daily grind and hope that we have given our children a firm foundation and wings to fly. And one day when you least expect it that child acknowledges all the sacrifices you have made and will continue to make on their behalf. I leave you with this; it isn’t the amount of money or material things we bestow upon our children that will be remembered. It is rather the things that are given in a spirit of unconditional love that will be the wind beneath their wings. I am flying high on my daughter’s gratitude but one day she will soar because I chose to stay grounded and that’s the real truth!

My Virtual World

texasbella — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 06:48:50 +0000

I love facebook! I kind of joined the social network on a fluke and ended up falling in love with the way we can stay in touch and up to date with so many friends and loved ones! Some people don’t get it. And that’s okay, they don’t have to. We who get “it” know that we feel connected to one another through our virtual world. In this day and time when people come in and out of our lives so quickly, it’s nice to be able to keep the lines of communication open and the relationship viable. Even if the means is virtual! How cool is it to know what someone in another city or even state is doing at any given moment on any given day in their life? Pretty cool! I love that a person can be as random or as specific as they choose to be. The network has become a channel for support, encouragement, laughter, venting, it has endless possibilities. That is what makes facebook so appealing! I know that people are busy in this day and age, but I for one love that my friends and loved ones share my facebook enthusiasm. We all post about our lives and families and whatevers…. these posts are the threads that keep our lives woven together. I love when my friends in Houston keep in touch via facebook and my friend in Virginia lets me know how his son in Afghanistan is doing. These friends I love and want to stay connected to. In this day and age we all get so busy sometimes even a phone call doesn’t seem possible. But in some crazy way, the few moments we spend updating statuses and posts of life keep the lines of communication open. I know I get crazy busy with life and so must my friends and family. In this hurry up and wait world we live in I relish the invention of cyberspace and the virtual world we know as facebook. In this real world there may not be enough time for connecting but in the virtual world we are all just one post away and that’s the real truth!

Clarity

texasbella — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 19:55:15 +0000

through the heart; one can see

Living and Dying

texasbella — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 23:49:53 +0000

I went to my best friend’s daughter’s funeral today….. suffice it to say that it was and has been a hard few days. I am still in shock and disbelief! Amanda was only 19 years old. I cannot fathom why she was sent to this Earth to live a few short years… I do believe in eternal life and know in my heart of hearts that she is with Jesus in paradise. Having said that, I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that she is gone. I was there when she was born and she has been a part of the tapestry of my life for 19 years. It feels as though a thread has now unraveled and I cannot, will not ever be able to repair the breach. Perhaps the thing to do is to relay to you the beauty of Amanda’s spirit. She was kind and gentle. She had these huge brown doe eyes that lit up a room. She smiled and the world smiled with her. I liked to say she was a bongy. The type of personality that is care-free and happy go lucky. I know that in the past three years Amanda had some health challenges but you would never know that by looking at her smiling face. Today I saw a picture of her while she was hospitalized…. she was grinning from ear to ear! I would have loved to have known her more intimately. I am always shocked when someone I know passes from this life to the next. It gets me to thinking about how temporary this life on Earth really is….we get seventy to eighty years if we are blessed with long life. And yet so many of us waste our days being unhappy or angry or just plain selfish. Why should any of us spend one day in a negative state of mind? I don’t know. Perhaps we have a myriad of reasons to justify such a state of mind, however, I can’t but help think, if we knew it was our last day upon this Earth, we might spend it altogether differently. I know that today when people were recalling Amanda’s life, they used words like kind and happy. I thought about what a legacy she had left behind in just nineteen years. She had a dream and spent her life following it. She lived life in a few years and some people spend their whole life never living! I know that on this Earth Amanda will be sorely missed but she is still teaching me that life isn’t about dying but rather the living and that’s the real truth!

#20 Flying So-Low

texasbella — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 06:39:10 +0000

Welcome back! I was saying that to myself…. As you may or may not have noticed, I have been on hiatus for about a week. And may I say, a much-needed break!! I didn’t log onto my computer for a whole week, I didn’t have a cell phone for a whole week. I actually got some much-needed rest! I even slept about eight to nine hours every night! WHAT?! I know, I could hardly believe that myself! I can tell you all that I wasn’t sure that I could live a week without my cell phone or my social network…. Obviously, I not only survived, I have actually come away from the whole experience with a new perspective. While the convenience of being accessible and having access to friends and family is something I truly love, I know that it can become quite demanding. I really started getting convicted after seeing the Oprah campaign to end texting while driving. Thankfully, I don’t text while driving. I’ll admit I have done it once or twice and both times I swerved so badly I scared myself straight! But the truth is I am very guilty of talking and driving and even dialing while driving. But more and more, I try to avoid answering the phone while driving or to make the call as quick as possible. I have purposely decided to not initiate a call while driving. My car is still not a hundred percent no phone zone but I am getting better. As for the computer, it was good to have a break. I did miss blogging I won’t lie about that! I was upset that I wouldn’t be doing it every day until my wonderful hubby helped me out. He simply said; you can just pick up right where you left off. So what is it like to be without a cell phone and a computer? It’s absolute HELL!!!! hahahaha! Okay, it’s not really that bad but I will tell you I can certainly appreciate modern technology a whole lot more! So what does one do with so much time? An awful lot of thinking…. Life really has a way of sneaking up on a person and getting you so preoccupied with everyday stuff that you don’t stop and focus on things you might need to be paying attention to! That could be anything from relationships to kids to taking care of writing that will you keep saying you’re going to write…. you know who I’m talking to! Hey if the blog fits, wear it!!! Anyway, the whole week went by, and my hubby spent a week with me too. We talked and laughed and watched movies and we actually stayed in for coffee instead of going out for coffee! WHAT?! I know, I could hardly believe that myself! And we actually swore off the computer. Well, he was still a FaceBook junkie, but hey…who am I to throw a stone? If you ever want to find me, chances are all you need to do is log on and you will probably find me PDQ! I have a few new hobbies as well…. yes, there are other hobbies besides tapping out letters on a keyboard…..GASP! Breath in and exhale….. very good! I’m here to help! So, I have rejoined the world of cell phone toting folks and social networking fans…..but I have also tapped into a deeper part of myself. The part that needed to find rest. Rest from the hurried pace of life and technology that makes one run on auto-pilot instead of taking the controls and deciding which way you want your life to turn today! So if I have any friends who are still with me on this blog and sharing in my crazy beautiful experience I call “my life’ then I leave you with this; if you have lost some of your get up and go; it may be time to park it and pray and that’s the real truth!

Day 19 Are you hungry?

texasbella — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 05:34:19 +0000

I was blessed to go to my daughters birthing class today and we had lunch in the park. As we sat there eating our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches this adorable little squirrel came up and asked for some food. Not literally…but in his adorable squirrel-ish way. He scampered over to where we were and stood up on his hind legs and twitched his nose in our direction. Anyone who speaks squirrel would clearly recognize that as a request for food. So naturally we threw him some bread. He picked it up and sat right there and ate his bread while I ate my sandwich. I thought to myself how smart this little guy was. He knew that people in the park equals food for him. And he would get nourished. So here it is hours later and I’m still thinking about that squirrel. What could I possibly learn from that little scene at the park. What could a squirrel in the park possibly have to teach me? I think that maybe that squirrel didn’t have any trust issues. When he realized I was out of bread he scampered over to the next picnic sight and gave them the same squirrel beg. And guess what? It worked! They too threw some of their food in his direction. Off he ran to devour his bounty. He didn’t panic when I was out of food, he knew there was more food if he moved on to find it. I realize that at times I get stuck thinking there is no more “food”. And “food” could be anything that we need to exist. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean needs. That is something entirely different. That little squirrel trusted that if he asked for food he would get food. He just kept looking. He didn’t sit down and give up when I was out. He realized it was time to go see the next supplier. I think sometimes we get stuck when our” food” is out. But we don’t have to give up. I want to learn to have squirrel faith! The faith that realizes that when I am hungry my belly will be full. Faith that believes that when I have a need it will be met. The key thing about that little squirrel is that he relied on someone else. The picnickers. And that is where I want to learn from him. That we need to believe that sometimes our needs will be met by others. We have to let somebody know we are hungry. I haven’t twitched my nose in anyone’s direction lately….but I am starting to think that it might not be a bad idea. I believe people inherently will help a friend if they have the ability to do so. And if one person can’t help, keep asking. That squirrel gets fed from many different people all day. And we too can be nourished from many sources. We must be open to ask for food and then we must believe that it will be given. I don’t have squirrel faith yet but I can sure work on it. And what is faith? Faith is the confidant assurance that what we hope for is going to happen.. I leave you with this; that squirrel faithed his lunch today and that’s the real truth!